Wednesday, October 19, 2011

"Fake Life"

Marty & eye used to tell each other what went on during our day in "fake life."  This is basically one's imagination, and sometimes it's made of the ideals of what a person WANTS to happen, it could be the imagined "worse case scenerio," or it could just be letting one's mind run away with itself, and the result of that.

Being in m'eye late 20s & looking back, ugh!  At 18, eye imagined that by now, eye'd be famous & touring with albums and what not.  Eye seriously imagined that eye'd start off by singing in coffee shops within a year of that with a guitar (which ended up having to be sold to make rent that year when a telemarketing job screwed me out of a paycheck.)  Eye'd been writing songs since eye was a little kid.  However, it's very easy to start songs, harder to complete them.  Eye have a notebook of partial lyrics.  Eye know how the instrumental parts sound, inside, but have actually written out very little of the sheet music.

A few years later, eye got ahold of a keyboard and started practicing piano again.  When eye moved in with Marty, we were going to make music together!  Well, he ended up making a lot.  But eye became much more focused on weight than anything else, anorexia/bulemia (probably at that point would have been considered "purging type anorexia") totally encompassed me.  There was room for little else.  Eye still imagined that "soon," eye would be making progress toward the dream.  Lost a job, went to smuggle illegal immigrants, went to prison, everything in the house disappeared or was thrown out during m'eye abscense (either from being stolen by squatters, or thrown out by maintenance later on.  Marty also lost his job and left the house about a week after the power was shut off.)  We only ever had made ONE song together, toward the beginning of us living together.

After prison, eye had to "keep the house together," mostly paying for it alone, due to a cast of unreliable rotating roommates.  Naturally, there wasn't extra money to go toward an instrument, or lessons.

Then, moved here.  Short term jobs, on and off.  Drug addiction.  But, when eye finally take this job that Melody suggested, after the computer gets fixed, eye will have money.  Eye'm getting much too old, don't people start getting noticed in their early twenties, and they have been "out there" exposing themselves since high school for it to happen in the first place.  Time is running out.  But "soon" it's all going to change.  The road has ALWAYS been "about to begin" in the near future.

In fake life, eye am thin again.  In fake life, those songs are complete.  In fake life, eye have a few albums out and am on tour right now.  Eye have seen the world and there is so much more to write about.  In fake life, eye have been able to fix a couple of cosmetic issues that make me uncomfortable.  In fake life, eye own cars and beautiful houses.  In fake life, when the tour's over, eye am going to go to see Marty and bring him some new obscure psychedelic eye have obtained, just like we always imagined it would be.  In fake life, this song's for you...


  1. Hullo Darlin',
    Sorry it took me til now to get here and have a nice walk through your neighborhood ;) It's an interesting one and I hope you keep it up and w/no prob like the ones you told me you'd had previously.
    Anyhow, just wanted to say 'hey' (which is kinda silly since we are currently having a conversation elsewhere)but I do want to show my support for your new address.
    And the job will be waiting for you as soon as you are able to join us there, that I guarantee.
    xoxo Hugs N' Kisses to one of the only Vegas-related thing/persons that I can think of without making a face ;)
    ~Melody Lee

  2. You know how to write sheet music and can write songs? What is stopping you?

    Sometimes I get a tune going round my head that I have invented but I have no way of noting it down...

    I've always wanted to try songwriting. I heard at the top end you get the riches of rock stardom without the pesky fame!

  3. Makes the Leonard Cohen song, "In my Secret Life" come to mind.

    It's never too late to get on the road to rock-stardom and glory. I'm on that train, myself, and I'm 35. :)

    I'd be interested in hearing/seeing some of what you've written, as a fellow song-writer/musician...

  4. Oh--and I have a secret/fake life, too. Maybe it comes with the territory...

  5. I have a buddy who just showed me a $73,000 royalty check, thanks to a single song he'd written that a well-known musician picked up.

    You never know till you try.... :)

  6. Yay Melody. That was quite the epic conversation we had yesterday!

  7. Gledwood, just you visiting m'eye blog makes me feel almost famous. :)

    What's stopping me? A combo of lack of resources, lack of knowledge, laziness, and the biggest one is fear. I don't really have the extra money to get an instrument (yet) or lessons. I played piano in childhood and guitar a bit as a teenager. So I need to reaquaint myself with practicing and lessons eye feel, especially considering eye think eye need to know more than just the basis key signatures. Far as writing sheet music - it's quite a process for me. Eye can't just translate from head to paper. Eye have to play around with the keys to find which one eye wanted, then just write the note on a piece of paper, then rewrite it on an actual time signature sheet (something else eye'd need to purchase.) The right hand (treble cleff) is the easier part. Then eye have to figure out which chords or arpeggios to pair with it! I need to motivate myself to actually DO these things! And eye have a fear of performing. it used to take alcohol just to "get the balls" to sing sings for m'eye best friend Marty! Eye have gotten slightly better since then, feeling ok enough to sing to him without alcohol, feeling ok enough to sing in the shower when we have guests or sing along to songs around other people. It was just last summer that eye found the courage to sing karaoke with coworkers.

  8. It could be a lot of things, "the territory," being a creative type, who knows?

    Maybe eye'll send you some lyrics sometime.

    That's an amazing check!

    Yeah, eye need to actually work on this, and get it out of m'eye head that eye'm "too old."

  9. You should send the lyrics! And yeah, it was really quite amazing. All it takes is one good song to set you up for like a year. It's a tough market, but if you have something that you think is awesome, it would be a shame not to share it and see where things might go, with it.

    Yeah, you're not too old. :) Somebody needs to get out there and represent good music, heh

    I've been in and out of the industry for about 20 years; one year I moved to Nashville TN and worked in a studio (I play lead guitar). I'm supposed to be starting a project with a friend of mine, but so far she's all talk and no delivery... ;p But making music is good for the soul, I highly recommend it