Saturday, October 22, 2011

Bugs & Drugs

Today, wasn't even craving a coffee, but bought one anyway.  Eye have $12 for "spending money" that really should be saved for tobacco.

A few days ago, there was a moth in our kitchen by the ceiling.  Last week, eye found two adult roaches and two baby ones in the same night.  A couple of days before that, two roaches greeted me upon opening the medicine cabinet.  Other than that, we've been blessedly free of roaches, for the most part, lately.  Back in Jul'eye, we were having a week of frequent rain.  Heat, humidity - these attract roaches.  We live in a "raised" house - meaning instead of a house that's built on a concrete foundation, we have floorboards and about four feet of nothingness (a "crawl space" above just dirt.  There used to be an opening on the side of the house, by the bathroom, that led to this.  Small animals would crawl under there, get bitten by a brown recluse or black widow (Eye have found one of each in the house before) and die.  And so, the roaches come to feed on the rotting bodies, breed, and there you go! - roach colony is created.  When it's humid, the little pests decide to pop in for a visit.  We used to have boxes of dishes in the corner, excess dishes from a previous roommate who never took them from me, that were never unpacked, sold, or claimed.  Well, in this corner, roaches decided to come up and make a little home in the boxes, apparently.  One night, upon opening the refrigerator in the dark, the fridge light illuminated the floor, and on the floor eye saw tons of baby roaches crawling around, looking for crumbs.  It was like a small anthill had exploded, except they were baby roaches.  Eye was horrified and disgusted.  We spent the next few days sanitizing the house, spraying, and stomping.  Mind you, our house was not absolutely FILTHY, but a little unclean at the time (like crumbs on the floor, sometimes dishes would stack up for about a week.) Some of the roaches had a tolerance for spray, and instead of dying, would start acting oddly, like walking around in circles for hours, or coming out during the day.  It took a couple of weeks before we mostly got rid of the problem.  Some still appear, every so often.  About a month ago, for about a week, Angel found one or two roaches daily, right as they were about to lay eggs!  He squished them.  The kitchen is now kept absolutely wiped down, and dishes are washed within an hour, put away the following day.  However, eye am still absolutely cluttered in the bedroom - boxes of papers in the corners, piles of paper on the dresser, and a hamper FULL of clean clothes (there is not enough room for all of m'eye clothes, as eye don't get rid of them once they don't fit anymore.  This would be a mistake that eye refuse to make again, as every few years, eye tend to have dramatic weight changes.)  Eye'm terrified at what eye may discover if eye decide to clear the desk or boxes.  Roaches also like to come inside when it's cold.  Also, as our yard is full of grass and trees, that the landlord waters once to twice daily (though the law here is twice weekly, and Aunt Patty keeps her yard JUST fine that way), bugs live in the yard and like to say hello every once in a while.  Occasionally there will be a rolly-polly in the entrance way, flies like to come inside during the summer, eye refuse to go in the yard if eye see a bee.  Eye DO like the occasional salamander that comes into the house, however.

Eye went through a 2 month's supply in one month.  This is half m'eye fault, for having an extra shot on more days than eye was supposed to.  The other half is Angel's.  He cannot pay me back except once per month, when his disability check comes in.    Even then, he will only be able to pay back about half.  Eye'm hoping he gets his pain management issues taken care of within a couple of weeks, so that he won't start racking it up, again.  That simply is not affordable for me.  As yesterday eye was undecided upon how much money eye was going to spend for the next chunk, eye got $100 worth.  Eye have now decided the next chunk will be $900, instead of $1200.  Since $1500 remains, that's what's affordable. He'd BETTER get his own situation taken care of, this time.

The stuff we got yesterday did NOT want to melt when it was cooked.  It was really annoying watching 90 units of water turn into 20 units of black liquid that looked like goop instead of brown liquid, with a big ball still sitting in the cooker.  So, this stuff takes extra time and water to prepare.

Veins last night were being a nightmare.  Angel attempted to poke me about eight times before he gave up.  He was just going to stick it in m'eye butt (intramuscular, or for me, intra-fat!)  Eye STILL refuse to do it this way, especially if there is blood in the syringe.  Eye went to the bathroom.  Got a small register, and proceeded, even though it looked like the "register" may have stopped.  It didn't hurt, so eye figured it was safe.  WRONG.  The spot began to swell.  Eye moved up, tried again.  This time, the register was a bit stronger, but a brighter red blood instead of dark.  On me, this usually means something isn't quite right.  (Also more oxygenated blood tends to clog the needle more quickly.)  Eye stupidly decided to go ahead with it.  Once again, it didn't hurt.  Eye started to feel something.  Once again, eye started to swell.  Tried lower.  Trickle of bright red blood.  I then moved to m'eye left arm.  Amazingly, on the first attempt, eye got a great register.  Eye went to push it in, and the needle was clogged!  To be further insulting, as all this "nonsense" was occurring, the cigarette eye'd made rolled into the sink and got wet.  Since eye do not have a cigarette machine, eye make cigarettes with a straw, pen innards, and an antennae.  It takes at least a minute to stuff each tube.  Oh well, at least by the end, there was only 20 units of the seventy eye'd started with, and much of it was blood.  Eye went to clean the needle out in the sink, and, of course, eye was able to squirt it out.  Wh'eye wasn't eye able to squirt it into m'eye arm?  This morning, the swelling had luckily enough gone down, but eye was unable to get a vein in m'eye right arm.  In the left, since the spot only likes to work about twice weekly, and eye had poked it yesterday (even though nothing was put in), the little traitor did not work.  Eye went higher again on m'eye right arm.  It registered, but it was too hard to push in, as in about to clog.  Eye walked out to Angel to have him plunge the mixture inside.  Unfortunately, the needle had moved during the trip.  He re-registered.  It started to hurt.  He went to register again.  The needle clogged.  We poured it out into a cooker, and drew it up into a second needle.  Luckily enough, he was able to get his usual spot on his second poke.  last night, we assumed that vein was dead.  Hoping for better times ahead.


  1. I hate bad hits--I don't like intramuscular (although it's better than nothing, I suppose) because I HAVE to feel the instant rush when it hits your bloodstream. Nothing pisses me off more than not being able to find a vein (esp when it's the last of your shit). I've gotten *really* good at finding them, though. I can't remember the last time I've missed. Re-using re-sterilized needles is a big culprit--the duller the needle, the more likely the vein will roll when you try to hit it. Sharp is always the best--but then again, TOO sharp and it's easy to get in and then with a slight nudge, push through to the other side. Sigh. Anyhow, bottom line: I feel your pain, Eyes. and I hate having to re-filter for a new hit because you *know* that there's probably some loss in product, when doing that...

  2. my frustrations with veins at times has almost overwhelmed me - shaking, sick, covered in filth, crying as the tears mingle with sweat and dirt as I stab, poke, jab, and insert that needle over and over trying for that dark red signature. I pray to whatever Gods are listening to please, please let the blood run into that barrel only to see nothing. But that exultation when you finally "get it" and empty that barrel into a vein is indescribable. Fanfuckingtastic.

  3. I can only imagine how pathetic Angel is if he 1) hangs out with you; 2) spends his disability on dope. Hopefully his "disability" will lead to a slow, painful death. Or better yet, the two of you OD with the needles still in your arm, junkie scum!

  4. Indeed, "better than nothing" BUT seems pointless to me. Often, upon missing, will re-try with something else, if affordable. Everything's used once when possible, but saved for when money's scarce. There are different "jars" for different amounts. Used once & got on 1st-2nd poke, used once & got within 3-8 attempts (after that it's thrown out), used twice, etc, up to used 4 different days, depending on condition.

  5. Noah you describe it perfectly, with the tears & praying, which is even worse when you're dripping with blood - just makes it all the more disgusting... Yeah, the end makes it all seem worth it, though 60 seconds SO does not make for 30 mins sometimes - at least not logically, but it sure does feel like it does!

  6. Loser, smoozher. Potato, potahto. Everyone sucks in some way. His life pre-accident was more one of "womanizer," then "criminal." Other people may be dangerous, insane, single-minded, arrogant, whiny, FUCKING BORING, or any or all of many flaws. Men have this silly way for falling for me after sleeping with me in the right context. & it's not like he doesn't also pay for living expenses. Is anyone any less of a loser from spending all their excess funds on alcohol, gambling, strip clubs, Starbuck's, or even a damn vacation? it's all one's own money, and it's all escapism. Please yourself how you will. He won't die from the result of the accident, but permanent nerve damage is no picnic, and if a person can't work in their condition & the government doesn't provide lovely vacations, it really shouldn't matter if said person supplements being undermedicated with a little extra help. Overdose? So sorry, doubtful in this lifetime. Once you're strungout a while, as in over a couple of years OD usually happens one of two ways
    1.) Taking a massive dose many, many times the amount one is used to. And, at least here, especially buying from the same source, quality's not about to just jump about 8 + times higher.
    2.) Quitting for a while, then attempting to use the SAME dose that was used upon quitting. Not being suicidal, having no immediate plans to quit, and being aware of these factors, don't really see it happening.

    That was WAY too long of a post for that comment to deserve, but happy to waste your time, anytime.