A couple months back, went down to sell something eye shouldn't, found out that the stores were closed, but one was opening in an hour. Wasted some time walking around, then went in the store, after that got some coffee. Used the restroom, in the mirror - looked so fucking polished. It made me laugh, the state eye was in, no visible clues. Not so much the case the next time.
Too much "life contemplation" lately, maybe it's an age thing. Maybe it's from being aware of what was coming. Is what eye want even possible anymore, hold out for it? Even Plan B looks very well fucked now, so give up or compromise - and what are the steps toward that? In what situation can eye be somewhat content?
That on which eye used to be able to rely, and to fall back on, is not working out lately. And by most indications, it's likely that m'eye one recurrent stability source is gone.
Walking down the Strip going to a bus stop, dropping dollars for every beggar on the way, one girl comments, "You must be from here, huh? No one else does that."
Watching Cloud Atlas, a particular scene hitting me heavily. Desires.
Ugh, our schizophrenic back neighbor, too often mistaken for a speed freak, has all sorts of fucking people going over to his house lately. In & out, in and out. Storing their carts of junk in the back yard. A friend who was just over here caught someone, who came from back there, breaking into his car. "What are you doing?" The guy says "fuck you" and runs off. No good for him, me, us, anyone. Angel goes back there to raise hell, they deny everything. Like things weren't shitty enough already.
Disjointed thoughts, hanging by a thread on a Sunday evening. Usually alone for the holidays. Not so far this time, it's just barely better than it usually is.