Thursday, August 15, 2013

Eyes Without A Face

Why no one ever told me about the song, eye do not know.

How can anyone mourn the loss of someone who was never there to begin with?  For all of m'eye changes- eye am always, always the same.  Giving, but very selfish, self-centered, self-oriented, oblivious, etc.

Am eye a bad friend for considering making another friend wait at the Greyhound station so that eye can make more money?  It's not greed when it's survival, and rent isn't even paid.  Eye didn't make her wait, eye came with a ride... But eye did not visit her in the hospital while she was here.  Most of her "vacation" was pure misery, eye had no bus pass, but wouldn't have been impossible to get a ride over there.  Eye did get her a ride back here and back to the bus depot.

This summer has been very hard, hard as hell, "hard as nails."  Eye am not keen on having another one, another anything like it.  Yes eye spent a lot of time online, but wouldn't come back here to say anything. Eye had other priorities and besides - hate to blog when things are going shitty.  There's enough whiners, why be a downer - if someone wanted a downer, well - there are drugs for that.  That isn't the only reason.  Bonus Points to someone who can correctly decipher why.

Eye've encountered the stupidest circle ever.  Eye expected problems with financial aid.  There are none.  It could be sent to me Monday or Tuesday.  But - eye owe the community college $468.50 in order to go to UNLV, or any other school.  This is for supposedly dropped (actually failed) classes from spring semester of 2011.  Eye can appeal, but it will take a month or two.  So, to get it, eye have to pay something eye can't afford.  Eye've been barely able to get by all summer.  At least the other obstacle circle is no longer in the way - needing to pay to get the internet back on, but needing the internet to make money.  Family - completely unsympathetic.  "We live with the results of our choices."  "Why did you wait til the last minute to enroll?"  "Why didn't you get a job?"  "Maybe you should take a semester or two off and get a job."  Ha - if eye was able to get a good enough job and hang onto it - well, with no car to go to work AND school - eye'd be unwilling to quit and go back to living off of jack shit again while working on a degree.  Oh - cell phone is due to be shut off in a couple of days.  Eye need that, too in order to get this all together.

Fucked for Life.  No matter what, your life will always, always be fucked in some way, and if not - it will be soon.  So may as well accept it, and learn to love it.  That's m'eye fake gang with friends from where eye previously lived.