Last night, oh around 3am, still not asleep and needing to be, eye decided that it would be fine to have an extra shot, after all, hadn't done extra in a couple days & can every once in a while, plus it would be easier to go relax, right?
HAHA! Yeah, right! Instead, it turned into a 2-hour vein hunt, during which Angel woke up and pretty much just made some snide comments and then ignored me. Half of shot went to an area that APPEARED to be sort of working, but was not. So now there's a bloody-shot miss right under an abscess (yeah he's right it was a dumb move to even attempt there but ah well.) The rest went nowhere because soon as it was settled, clog! If eye'd left the ol' arms alone for another day, something probably would have worked fine, but NO eye have to poke around even when eye know nothing's going to happen (like this morning for example, what the hell?) Also a stupid result of last night, poor Melody got about 5 messages from me about the entire event. Just what everyone wants to wake up to, a whole lot of complaining, right?
This morning, after obligatory attempts, just flat out asked him to help me instead of dropping hints. Eye totally forget sometimes how men think, like either they won't get the hint, or they get mad at you because you just didn't come out and say it. Saying "would" instead of "could" you help with something is important, too. So yeah, now wrist and the "little" one's bruised area hurt terribly. Probably should go, get home, because who knows how long it'll take to map out a different area, retire the arms a while for sure.
So, had eye chosen to just go to bed without any "help," eye probably would have gotten to sleep a lot earlier. That's cute.
Having a HELL of a time getting up in the morning this week. This is the reason eye don't like winter. And with daylight savings time, how it gets dark so early? Goodness, it still messes with me.
Eye can't get out of bed either. I never go into that lying about wide awake thing some people seem to love. That is just too depressing for words. But I do like sleeping sleeping sleeping in in in and I know as soon as I move myself to go to that dreaded methadone chemist I will be pouring with sweat and feeling shit. Especially as soon as I get into their ridiculously overheated shop. I literally had to stand in the open doorway today with half my clothes taken off I could not handle it and they make you wait ages (ie over 5 minutes) for your dose. With me looking and feeling like shit. Unwashed, because without heroin I cannot function and never have functioned without it and probably never will function without it. You should be careful poking about near abscesses, can't you use the other arm? if you get it in the abscess you really will lose the shot rather than skinpopping it, like a normal miss.
ReplyDeleteYou know if I want anything like reliable access to a vein now I have no option but to use my femoral or my neck. I'd never use my neck as it's the one anaesthetists like to go for but I would use my groin, if I decide to go back on heroin. The shit is so fucking weak now since the kg price went up from £13,000 to £20,000 a couple of years ago. Then skyrocketed from £20,000 to £50,000+ so the bags are half as big and about a third as strong as they were only a year ago which is fucking ridiculous. I pop mine and literally cannot feel anything from £20/$30 worth which I would never have taken in one hit before, nobody I knew ever had to take more than £10 worth $15 in a shot and good gear has made me hit the floor before now. Now the gear is too shite for words and I'm stuck on shitty methadone I honestly feel my life is over.
You could try to soak whatever part you intend to shoot up at, in very warm water for a couple of minutes, shortly before you shoot up. I always had to do that, it was the only way to find a vein and make it big enough to shoot up in. Sometimes, i had to warm an arm up for like 10 minutes before it was ready.
ReplyDeleteMy veins are completely shitty too and always have been. They have been already shitty before i even started using. I have bad memories from doctors having to go on a long vein hunt on my child arms, because nothing would work and they'd always miss.
You'd think someone like that would refrain from shooting up? Nope. Doesn't matter. It has to work.
When i read posts like yours, i feel with it totally. I needed help a lot when shooting up. God i hate having to try for hours, only to end up with a bloody syringe and most of the shot missed. Of course, it had to be the worst while being miserably sick. Fuck everything about that.
Hope your arms recover a bit.
Heye,
ReplyDeletePoor you lovey it sounds like hard work. My ex used to do press ups. Sometimes even a hot bath then press ups. He had the cheek to tell me smoking it was a waste. The amount of gear he wasted in congealed or missed shots was more than ever went over my shoulder in a wisp of smoke. And he was quite the expert, always had people coming round to ask him to "get them". He made a fair bit of gear out of that. So I can imagine it must be difficult and frustrating. Especially like Natascha says, if you're clucking. When I used to put a bag on while I was clucking I was terrified of sneezing and losing the lot. I never felt safe until it was melted on. Hope all is good and well with you.
I usually have to turn on the shower increasing the hot water to the point of just barely being able to stand it. Then I just hold my arms or legs or where-ever in the stream of hot water till the skin is like royal red then get out, towel off quickly, grab syringe, (which should be ready to inject) and hopefully hit a nice fat vein quickly and efficiently. ha! As far as knowing ur point of origin - you just seem like that is where you should be from. I hate it gets dark so soon now! Cannot do anything outside in the evenings now. It truly sucks ass.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, men miss hints. My BF's mantra is "Just tell me what you want me to do". I hate missing. I rarely miss but I did the other day, and an abscess developed. It grew to about 1.5 inch diameter. I noticed it because it started hurting whenever I closed my elbow. It was red and touchy but I started putting a hot, wet compress on it as much as I could. The next day the redness went away. Now it's shrunken to about .5 in. but it's still hard to the touch. The good thing is that it stopped spreading. I'm so happy i didn't have to go to my dr. to get it drained.
ReplyDeleteOh, and there's no shame in asking for help hitting. whenever I think i'm going to miss, I ask the BF. He's really gentle and can find veins on anyone.
Gledwood, yeah - motivating on methadone is an impossibility for me. Not sure why, just how it is. Suboxone was never like that, except the time eye was on a mood stabilizer at the same time. Other arm - had already attempted it. On the arms - middle and outer veins sometimes work. The very inner ones, left arm - it worked twice EVER and wrist ones are too tiny on that side. Left hand sometimes works. Right arm, the inner one - works an okay amount of the time, but cannot get it myself anymore. Right wrist's doing fair. Neck, dead - used it 2 years. Femoral - if only! But it's buried very deep. The price situation over there sounds dreadful, used to be that heroin was a pretty inexpensive drug, one of the least expensive, but it seems it may never be that way for you again. Ah well, maybe it'll make kids less likely to get on it, with the first time the try it, it's like "What the hell is THIS?" & away falls all those mythical descriptions they heard.
ReplyDeleteNatascha, yes, mine started out like crap to begin with, obviously not "destined" for shooting but like that matters, right? Maybe the soaking thing is a good suggestion, have heard other people doing that when they get to this stage, hopefully am not actually BEYOND the stage eye think eye'm at. We're probably going on a calf/knee hunt pretty soon. Other than that, may have to switch to the long-avoided IM route, actually eye had one recently that was a half & half, and wasn't too bad. Have been advised that at first, it's not that great, but you get accustomed to it and then it's not that bad.
ReplyDeletebugerlugs, Oh YES! The work-out routine, good plan, did used to do a little running around during winter months to get the ol blood pumping.
ReplyDeleteNoah, showering sometimes shows the little criss-crosses in the thigh, and it was actually post-shower when eye re-discovered arms. Guess eye'll have to change WHEN eye decide to do these things. After all, it's getting cold, so it's pretty necessary. And hell, 2-3 showers a day, at least eye'll be sparkling clean constantly.
ReplyDeleteSusie,
ReplyDeleteYeah, heat-treating does seem to shrink them, and in some cases, even many cases, seems to eventually reverse them, which makes me wonder if it was a true abscess to begin with, or if it's just a bad miss that can go bad if not treated. Eye've never taken them to a physician, with some we have cut them open and packed them (done very carefully and we're sure to sterilize everything, and others have opened on their own and eye've just had a squeezing session, and they're done.
Some people have the view of "if you can't hit yourself, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place," but eye suppose that it just depends on the person's social circle and what people are willing to do. A lot of people don't know how to get it themselves when they first start, and then have to experiment and teach themselves. Eye think that after that point, it's ok to ask if the other person is willing, and you try and seriously can't do it yourself/your only available area is something you can't get on your own, or you're kind of on the edge of your vein capacity and know if you do it you'll be doing more damage than if someone else does because of your method. For example, unless eye know that none of "M'EYE areas" are working, eye will do a very serious attempt of all areas available to me before eye will wake him up to ask him on a school day, and if it's a weekend and eye can't make it work, eye'll just tough out the discomfort of the morning and attempt to lose myself in television or movies until he wakes up on his own.
By the way, the last 3 shots, outer side vein of the left forearm decided to be nice and it went fine, although this time it included about 4 times of having to pull out further to re-register, so it's probably done for a few days to a week, but will attempt different angles, and a little above and below.
I'm with ya, Eyes--daylight savings BLOWS! Sorry I've been so scarce, lately--been scuttling... ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, have been a bit busy too, and next week is going to be even more so.
ReplyDelete