Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Change Your Taste In. Men

So... eye stole 50.. sometime around the end of October?  He owed me 50, said he couldn't pay me anything, right before getting 400, which he knew about.  (Angel)  And so, he said he's throwing me out.  Leave by January, and he keeps m'eye January money order already made out to the landlord.  And wants to keep my washer and dryer.  Supposedly eye should owe him for messing up his computer, the free computer he got from his mom, which eye already put money toward fixing.  Which he prob recharged me for multiple times.  His mom bought him another.  And for the deposit on the house, which eye paid by the way.  And to clean up the house, which he admitted he's having one of his pill clients do for him (while intoxicated he admitted this.)  Some POS who always borrows from him, and now he'll rarely do shit for me, even if eye'm about to get cash.  A bottom of the barrel worst choice to move in, but better than eye am eye suppose.  (ha can't wait, within two months bet his pills will get stolen.)   Poor baby needs to make the house nice to attract a decent tenant, and he's getting thousands of dollars for Christmas?  Come on.  And he's gotten meaner and meaner.  And every deal we do make, he forgets, then accuses me of trying to fuck him over, while eye get screwed.  And sometimes he yells at me to leave within x amount of time, nice one, you already said that, how would it be a threat anymore?  He's "decided" this and gone back on it so many times during our time together, either eye need to go or he's about to.  Fuck eye wish people would say what they mean. 

And so, eye've been seeing people, guys.  Not a many as one may think, but seeing them nonetheless.  Why not?  First off, we never agreed to be monogamous.  Though HE has not acted on that, as of yet.  Secondly, he's trying to say we haven't "really" been together in years (odd bc of some possessive shit he said back in June, and other stuff he's said, ways he's been since.)  So funny, he says he wants to stay friends.  Eye say, you'll never hear from me again.  If he truly considers us just friends, and treats me like this, why on earth would eye want to be around, especially when truly getting nothing out of it, and still likely expected to run errands, etc.  Who needs enemies with friends like this, etc.

And these people, these situations, in which one would expect to feel used, objectified - eye feel more cared for, attended to, liked, appreciated, and treated SO much better than someone who's supposed to love me, who supposedly still cares so deeply and more than he should?  What the hell?

So much more beneficial.  In so many ways.

The other night, there was some BS about him wanting me to buy from him, something he got for free, rather than him calling for me.  Eye told him it was unfair, and then said fine, eye'll do it.  Then he was on the phone, eye asked who he was calling.  NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!  Told him, if he was calling, not to because eye'd already taken his offer, was making a shot.  He called anyway, then asked where the shit went, give it back, etc.  Told him eye'd told him twice, guess he tuned me out.  He said eye never said shit.  Raised his fist back and took a step toward me.  "Don't you dare, don't you FUCKING dare!"  He sat down and bitched.  Another time he was going to hit me, quite eye threatened calling the cops.  Every once in a while, he asks how can he trust ME after that shit?  Again, what the hell?

He can go ahead and try to convinve my dad to let him keep the washer and dryer, after that they'll hear about every threat and every little incident.  See whose side they are on then.  See how much they really think he's been "taking care of me" then.

There are various reasons eye'm upset about this, and a big one is it ruins plans, basically eye had a guaranteed existence with him, one that had to be waited for, but still something to fall back on.  And for all the years people told me to leave, all the shit he's pulled, why is HE the one to decide things?

Never trust a guy with two names.

He's about to leave to his mom's for the holidays, and for once is trying to do something nice for me, so of course that isn't working out.  Whatever.  Who knows what he'll return to?  Eye am feeling very rash and very, very done.  At the very least, eye want to move out without saying a word.  After all, after dealing with his mom and not having to deal with me for a while, and thinking about shit, he'll probably change his mind...

So say what the fuck you mean, for once.

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