Blasphemy

A few weeks ago (has it been a few weeks?) eye was walking to the bus stop from school and was offered a ride.  Eye accepted. 

The guy asked if it was ok if he stopped somewhere first.  Yeah, go ahead.  He had to drop something for a friend.  Did eye party?  Depends on what.  Of course, the dude is a tweeker.

We stopped at this older guy's apartment.  He broke out a bowl an put some meth in it.  He offered it to me.  Eye said eye'm not sure, eye quit tweeking ten years ago.  Eye'd think about it.  Eye had done it one time in those last ten years, split a bowl with this guy, it was ok.

About the third time he offered, eye accepted.  He held it and lit it for me.  And then it was passed around the three of us.  The guy who'd takn me there started getting a little touchy feely.  But there's no harm in a back massage, it doesn't mean eye have to put out.  And put out for meth of all things?  Bitch, please.

Eye started getting a really bad headache.  They said eye should take a shower, and that it wasn't because the meth was bad because they were fine.  Yeah, of course not, it's just me.  Eye tried running my head under some water.  It only helped briefy, so eye showered.  And then felt better.

The old guy was a crossdresser, so he said eye should try on some clothes for them.  Eye did.  That was pretty fun, and he said that eye could keep this tight flower dress.  Ok, cool.

We smoked more.  Why on earth eye did this after feeling bad the first time, is beyond me.  After a bit, eye started feeling like shit again, migraine.  Took a shower, felt a bit better, laid down and the first guy gave me a massage.  Old guy came in and started messing with my feet.  Uh, no, no - no three way for me, so eye got up before anyone got any ideas.  Well, "got" is not the right word, acted on would be the correct phrase.

Eye started to feel worse.  Eye ended up vomiting a few times, and some girl came over.  The guy who drove me said we should go, and old guy started getting an attitude.  He wanted his dress back, and tried to take it off of me.  Eye slipped into the bathroom and change clothes, gave it back.  We left.

The dude said that the guy had no place getting snippy like that just because he wasn't goin to get laid.  Eye said whatever, it's cool.  He said it isn't.  If a girl doesn't want it, she doesn't want it, no reason to get rude.  He said he'd get the dress back and to call him sometime.  Eye was dropped off.

Eye did some dope, felt mostly better but still not right.  Then had to go back down to the computer lab.

Eye spent the night feeling weird.  This ended up being the second day in which eye was up for most of three days, due to detoxing, then getting stuff but having to deal with making money, going to class, no time to sleep basically.  And for a few days afterward, eye still didn't feel right.  Eye tended to get headaches and feel quite vomitous.  Perhaps a speed allergy now?  Perhaps it's something eye cannot handle anymore.

Meth isn't something that appeals to me, nor something that eye crave or have craved since oh July 2002.  It's up, down, and all around me, but not something eye tend to accept when offered.  Why do it?  M'eye tweek period was quite a low period in life, so depressed, so worn out.  Unless binging, eye think eye sleep less now than eye did back then.  But eye decided to do it, so blasphemous for a dope girl who "came from" psychedelics to do something so useless (useless for me, eye am no productive nor creative tweeker.  What to do on meth?  More meth, of course.)  So now eye know not only is it a shit drug, it's shittier than ever for me.  Eye don't feel like spending days feeling ill, so no thanks.  It's been in my face since, and will be again, and there's no reason to piss off the Dope gods.