Back to the Swing of Things

Yeah it's been a while.  Busy with school, then a lazy week of dope, Dilaudid, and sleeping pills, then school computers were closed as eye curled up sick in bed or ran around attempting to make money.  Eye DID on and off keep up with most people's blogs, but cannot comment to them by phone, and if eye log into m'eye own blog on the phone, it shuts the stupid thing off.

School started today, appeal went through, obviously.  Eye did... decently.  Last semester gave me three B's and an A, though eye spent the last weeks of the semester freaking out that eye'd fail everything, which eye usually think.  The times eye didn't think that were back when eye was fucking off school & thought eye could fix it all with the finals.  Tuesdays and Thursdays, eye get to sleep in, then go take care of an online class, and have an in-person class at 5:30.  Mondays and Wednesdays, first class is at 10:00, then eye have an hour and a half in-between, and another class at 1:00.  Anthropology, Logic, Philosophy, and the one that makes me nervous is second-semester Spanish.

Angel found his biological father.  He found the phone number and address online a year ago, but was too scared to call him.  He finally did, right around the end of the semester.  It wasn't at all the joyous reunion he'd hoped for.  His father's wife listened in, Angel was someone she wanted to pretend doesn't exist because at the time he was born, his wife was pregnant - he was in the military and the two were separated at the time, the father and Angel's mom were "shacking up" at the time on the military base, and at the same time, she was married too, but living away from home.  Fun stuff.  Anyway, his father kept asking/telling him about child support, asking if he's SURE that's not the reason he's calling, and saying that he had nothing to give.  What he wants is a father figure, not some dude's money, and eye doubt someone can get child support back-payments long after they're an adult, anyway.

Winter break wasn't too pleasant.  School library - closed.  Angel - gone to his mom's out of state.  Me - at first had extra Dilaudid, but stupidly decided BINGE, not Save!  He owed me $80 and anyway, and was expecting Christmas money from his grandparents, which they send to his mom every year.  Eye attempted to cash m'eye own money order which was for rent, would have spent the $80 he owed me, put the rest back in another rent money order with the landlord's name on it (which yes, eye could manage, eye DO have self control, DUH - last semester's drug stash lasted through the semester, and any time eye have jobs, eye can ration to get through til the next pay day.) That didn't work, so eye just sold off some gift cards, (which would've been next after that $80) but that doesn't last forever.  So, Christmas was spent huddled in the back bedroom, alone, half dose for the day.  Day after Christmas, had a Suboxone, half worked.  Lived off of old cottons for a couple of days, which kept me from vomiting everywhere, but still felt rather crappy.  Ended up with another gift card to sell.  New Year's was a repeat of the time around Christmas.  Ended up seeing the landlord while in quite an insane sleep-deprived state.  Edges of poster and wall moving, flashes of light and mini-hallucinations, flight of thought and ideas that ranged from actual good ideas to just silly and impossible.  Sensory overload - eye could hear the TV volume loud & clear on level 1, ther back neighbor who'd moved out - eye still heard him taking a bath every day, and with the phone on silent, eye could still hear a CLICK every time a text came in.  Eye let one of our tweeker "friends" run off to sell a card for me, and never saw him again, but hell - desperation.  "You can run a junkie around everywhere and they'll do anything, long as they think dope's coming at the end."  During the first encounter with detox in his absence, quite the lovely suicide note was written, but obviously eye didn't bother buying a nice big blade.  Angel's mom HATES me, she didn't give him cash to make sure nothing was going to me, she went with him to buy stuff for himself, instead, listened to all of our phone conversations, etc.  So - nothing from him.  Barely eeking by included two credits, which eye had to pay back double to get, and a bit of.... compromise here and there.  Dying veins and impatience led to the lovely experience of hitting an artery, and two horrible abscesses, which we're getting rid of later tonight.  The night before he came back, eye had a nightmare that a friend took me to a cabin, eye overslept til noon, so didn't end up getting back in time to pick him up from the bus station at 7am.   Awake, sick, and in the tub, eye turned on the dying cell phone to a text message from him saying he knows about this and that, thanks for not picking him up, don't bother coming home.  Woke up to a call from him saying he'd be home in about an hour, get up and go to meet him, we're getting loaded.  Nightmare over, the dream and the living one from when he was gone.

We have a new neighbor, who may be bipolar, or may be a tweeker or something.  Eye heard him moving around back there (his back wall is attached to our back bedroom - the house was a three bedroom house that the landlord converted to a studio and two-bedroom) at all hours for days and days, and then all of the sudden - nothing for an entire day or so, and then started hearing him again yesterday.  He moved in about four or five days before Angel got back.

Well, now bills and such for this while semester are pre-bought, eye have money orders already made out to the people they need to go to, eye have MORE than enough set aside for school books, and eye'm set for three months drug-wise, and have other money for things like cat food, cigarettes, etc.  Eye have pretty much a guaranteed summer job, where eye've worked before and we parted on good terms.  What eye need to figure out in between school and then, is a source of income to set myself up for rainy days, the bad times ALWAYS come eventually, and eye don't want to go through anything like Christmas break unless eye choose to at some point.

Well, it's off to go do a price-check on school books.  Nice as SOME of the vacation was (like the very beginning and the final six days), it's nice to be back in the "swing of things."