Ok, so a couple of days turned into nearly a couple of weeks. Go figure.
The other night, eye had a dream involving baby ducks. They were black ducks with a shiny green ring of feathers around their necks. Eye saw two on a cooking pan, one close to me, one further away. They had not yet been de-feathered. Eye then saw hands placing a new baby duck on the pan next to the one that was farther away from me. Eye heard a sizzling sound, and then eye saw it curl its head down. Eye looked closer, and it appeared that the baby duck was still alive. So, this asshole was putting live ducks on a searing hot pan, and they were suffering! The baby duck closest to me was dead, and the second duck looked like it was near death. Eye was horrified. Other dreams that night included drug nightmares and police harassment. It's been quite a while since eye've had any nightmares regarding drugs.
There was about a week and a half or so eye was overindulgent regarding heroin, doing about twice what eye should be doing, and at the same time, Angel was borrowing from me since he was low on pills. Eye really wish he'd regulate his medication a lot better than he does. He definitely borrows at a rate much higher than he can afford to pay back, but it's not like eye haven't run up tabs with him before in times that eye don't have money. However, he uses at least twice the amount eye do in a day. So now, eye get to over-correct for what's happened, and then find ways to make money to cover me until the end of the semester, having to come up with more by an earlier date than planned. Eye have options, eye just need to act on them.
Today eye checked on grades. Eye was pleasantly surprised in the way that eye assumed eye was doing terribly, and eye'm not. There have been mistakes made in the way of sleeping through a couple of classes, and not focusing on homework and reading textbooks as much as eye should be, times that eye've treated school as if it were just work - something you go to, then just come home, not working on anything else. However, the times eye've done this have not screwed me over, and eye have already started correcting it and have gone back to treating it more responsibly.
Veins have been doing this strange thing lately, in the way of injection that don't kick in, like there's something blocking them or something. It takes a while, but eventually illness dissipates and pupils constrict, but all the while "feeling" nothing. The silly theory eye came up with is that the high is going to someone else. Years ago, in times when eye was not using drugs, and usually while driving, eye would get this sudden Whoosh of being "fucked up." So in conclusion, eye decided that back then, eye was catching someone else's buzz, and now eye'm returning the favor to some other people. And they probably think that they're getting "high on life."
Our house, not having a central heating and cooling system, had decided to trap a bunch of hot air inside because it was getting warmer for a while. However, it was hotter inside than outside. Luckily, a storm came in this weekend, so eye opened up the house. it took a couple of days of wind for hell to be blown out of the house. As much as cold has its inconveniences, such as having to leave the blankets to go to the kitchen or bathroom, it's much more uncomfortable walking around in an oh-so-sexy tied up shirt, and even then still being hot. For some reason, eye can acclimate to outdoor heat a lot better than eye can with indoor heat.
Luabelle is as cute and obnoxious as ever. She insists on finding a spot to lay on me, no matter how difficult a position eye choose in order to encourage her not to at times. These spots include chest and shoulder, and she really likes using claws. However, she's been enjoying spending time with me under the blanket quite frequently, which is adorable. She rarely used to, while Baby did almost any chance she got to. Eye'm glad that she's always been healthy, so should keep me company for many years to come.
Why waste time with school? You'll never be more than a junkie loser living off the system.
ReplyDeleteVarious reasons, some of which are quite practical, and should be pretty easy to figure out.
DeleteNever have said anything of aspirations to "live off the system." If eye wanted to live of a disability claim, eye would be doing so already. The plans eye have don't include living in poverty forever, and there's one pretty simple way this will just eventually "happen." But eye'm not going into the "hows" of it. And if not, there's always a couple of backup plans, and school helps with one.
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DeleteWhy do some bloggers get more nasty comments than others? Felt compelled to let you know that its not about what's between your legs or whether you got an XY chromosome. Shane, who I love as much as my own shit, edits his comments. He just says that he doesnt, but like most of us smackheads, he has spent his life polishing his capacity to lie. If I send 10 comments in under different names, five positive and five negative, the 5 positive ones get posted and maybe one negative one. He will admit it if you ask. Maybe. Read about it in the Book of Lies haha. Be skeptical not gullible.
ReplyDeleteWhy your heroin buzz changes over time:
Delete(1) the quality of the heroin varies: purity goes up and down (mainly down), and adulterants range from crushed sleeping pills to dog-worming tablets;
(2) tolerance: the effects on heroin on different parts of the brain/body wear off at different rates. For intstance, heroin affects 4 types of neurotransmitter: dopamine, GABA, noradrenaline and endorphins. So the pleasant dopamine buzz slowly evaporates while your dilated pupils and constipation remain.
(3)many other variables, eg. avoid vitamin-D which strongly reduces the buzz. Bored now, see ya.
I meant constricted pupils (pinned eyes). Its hard remembering all this stuff when you are monging off your head haha. keep on blogging girl
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DeleteHmmm that makes much more sense now. Average people can't be *that* evolved to love someone just by the quality of his writing, while he admits what he is doing. That works for rock stars and dead artists. Haha.
DeleteSo he does his own PR. Most celebrities and professionals in the public eye have to do this to some extent, although usually hire someone else.
Thanks :)
Thanks :)
DeleteThis particular issue seems to have to do more with bad veins than actual tolerance, because some spots work great, others won't, can be the same batch of dope too. M'eye general tolerance rises very slowly. Little changes can happen more quickly due to doing too much for a while, or having to cut way down for a few days, but it generally stays about the same. Although maybe there's something to that "other variables" thing too.
I loved your comparison of "catching someone else's high". That made me laugh out loud. It was taking me a while for me to feel my shots recently too. I'd do it, wash the blood off, sit back down, wait wait wait and then the warmth would show up. I attributed it to not eating all day, low blood sugar, and then doing my shot after work. I'm glad you're doing well and totally relate to resenting having to share. It totally sucks when you have something but it's great when you don't.
ReplyDelete:) yeah
DeleteOh yes, it gets really irritating. So does the whole intermittent working vein stuff.
had no problem with sharing for quite a while. Then ran into a bunch of times where he'd have to cover the one measly bag (for quite a while anyway, as in years) for me every day, and started holding it against me, it caused disagreements, and insisted on tracking everything and having me pay it back to him. Then would be able to cover it myself, and then wouldn't, back and forth. Every time eye couldn't it was the same. And so with this, the way eye looked at things eventually changed. Ha especially when someone uses larger amounts.
Waz up? I jus joined your blog.Come to my and please join.Im all by myself in it and nobody joining me.
ReplyDeleteJoined :)
DeleteI refer you to the comment on the previous post xkarl
ReplyDeleteOK. :)
DeleteHey
ReplyDeleteHope u get off heroin. U could end up like me - fcked
No immediate plans on such but likely to happen at some point someday. One way or another.
DeleteSorry you've ended up fucked.. yeah this is one way for that to happen. Certainly have run into various fucked! situations because of this, or many other factors. Those times don't stay, but neither do the ones where everything is fine. It's a never-ending seesaw.
You don't think the vein's just giving way and you're skinpopping by accident do you?
ReplyDeleteI sometimes used to hit veins a few years ago that seemed to take 2 or 3 times longer to feel anything, as if the drug was doing a double-circuit of my body before reaching my head...
Life is a mysterious thing!!
This one makes the most sense to me. One time a friend said she went into a dead vein, and it took forever to hit her. She called it "skin popping the long way around." Although sometimes some parts of it work and some don't, on the same vein. maybe missing can interfere with anything below it absorbing as well.
Deletewhat else can i say
ReplyDeletecloset-junkie101.blogspot.com
Added you :)
DeleteThat sounds like a lot of fun.
ReplyDeleteNo idea why. But recently had a dream about living with family on a farm, and there was a mommy kitty and mommy rabbit who shared mothering duties. It was really cute.