New Blog

It's about time, this damn thing won't work on the phone.  Eye have been following a few blogs on here, mostly dope-related, so if anyone has any blogs to suggest to me, it's much appreciated.  Far as ex-users go, most frankly tend to BORE ME.  Especially when they whine about wanting to use, it's like - well, go for it...  That may be rude, but it's just the mood as of late.  (And, likewise, am sure that they would find me boring as well.)  However, if the ex-user has mental disorders, or isn't "quite done", or engages in interesting activities or other self-destructive habits, well, that's not boring.  Or hell, even if eye like their writing, eye suppose.

Recently, eye FINALLY got to give up panhandling for a while, because of school.  Student loans and grants are the best, and am determined to "not fuck it up."  Eye allowed a certain amount of "play money," everything else is pre-paid bills and dope.  The dope, well, eye have been overindulging SLIGHTLY since the day the money was received (Tuesday), but it hasn't been enough to fuck me over - it's been 3 shots a day instead of 2 (or 1 big shot and one regular), when it's supposed to be extra every OTHER day.  Now, Angel (boyfriend) feels he was "fucked over" on not getting "enough" FREE SHIT off the fuckload of money eye spent to take care of ME for the next two months.  He's gotten around this by "let me buy this much from you and get one free" instead of calling the dealer...  He's now out of money so eye get to cover him til he gets his check.  Eye'm not bitter about that, just bitter that he devised a way (not sure if it's intentional) to get the extra stuff he'd originally wanted.  So, that's ending right now.  And so, now to make up for it, either the next month eye'll have to do extra every 4 days, or every 3 for the next month and a half.  Another beautiful way he benefits from buying from me, he expects that he gets something every time eye buy bc since last year, when Tanner lived with us, Angel decided that the "deals" (extras) were now HIS.  At least some of them.  And since he's not buying the lot off me, the next purchase to replace what he's done, will result in getting less...  He doesn't know eye've found a way around this.  He once "forbade" the connect to deal with me.  And Angle blindly believes this is the case, but since when is a dealer going to say no to money?  Eye will replace said missing stuff when he is out at a doctor's appointment.  It's only fair, not like eye get his freebies, plus right before the money came in, Angel was writing down $15 for every $10 he covered me, which had to be paid back.


Panhandling... when the homeless on the highway exit near the house started getting territorial, one bitch said "You have a bike, you can ride it somewhere else."  This led me to another exit, on a road where hookers are known to be.  This led to some interesting proposals.  Toward the close of the last panhandling cycle, eye went from calling myself "beggar" to "opportunist beggar," but at least half of the time, eye just liked to fuck with the people who asked me, telling them it wasn't enough money, laughing at them, playing mentally handicapped...  To one black guy eye made a small circle with my hand, to represent a vagina, and opened my mouth into the tiny circle it can be, and then told him, "Sorry, think eye'm to small for you."  Panhandling also led to two tickets within three days, am hoping eye can go on a payment plan, rather than soon have a warrant.  In addition, the highway patrol started threatening arrest, so had to move to a regular street corner, where after a little while, it got worse every day, every day the money was worse than the day before, every day of the week was worse than that day during the previous week.  Usually eye was able to see cops before they saw me, and pretend eye was just walking... But if any did know what was up, they left me alone.  Anyhow, glad to be done of it, for however long.  Christmas isn't that bad, except more police patrol on the exits.  Best signs eye have seen:  "Will smoke your weed for food."  And a girl who smiled and waved at every car, whose sign just said, "Share Kindness."  Maybe one can't get in trouble for that one...  But maybe eye won't have to ever beg again.  Lovely Melody Lee has suggested doing phone sex.

Eye LOVE Mondays, classes all day long.  In one class, which is classified a psychology class but is more like neurology - we talk about drugs, quite a bit.  Every class, he mentions heroin.  That class deserves a post-class shot.  However, eye am NOT going to carry the shit around, and with the way black tar has near completely destroyed any usable veins, it's just not feasible.  The second and third classes are an hour and forty five minutes away from each other, but still.  Today, went to get Mediterranean food after class, instead.  It's pretty empty in there, no clue how the guy affords the bills.  Also, mentally drooled over paintings and hookahs that were displayed.  Me, pre-dope, would have definitely bought them.  But this has "evened me out" to the point where only tiny symptoms of mania/hypomania ever really appear.

This is a bit ho-hum but who cares?  Next time will go into the whole reason eye have a new blog anyway, thanks to some assholes who decided to go to the family with the dope issue, resulting in getting a close call with homelessness myself.