Hi Eyelick, long time no here ! It's fascinating how morbid people can be isn't it ? On the harbour where I was working this summer there were two suicides, if you look at my post "Anyone for fishing" you'll see the cliffs surrounding the harbour, it took 4 body bags to collect the poor soul,the point is the crowd of peopl that gathered to watch was horrifying. 2 days later they found another body floating in the water a 100 yards from the 1st. both deaths were unrelated. Anyway hope you're well ? I'm off to Bristol to visit my daughter this weekend plus go to an ex's 40th birthday bash. Been missing your posts. Karl X
I love the dancing hammies. There is a club in London that used to be called the Camden Palace, now I think it is called Cocos ..//... whatever, they had amazing laser lights just like that which looked fucking amazing on E.
Hey FINALLY your blog is starring on my sidebar! You should have told me you weren't on there I'm so lame at remembering who belongs where... also I wasn't sure whether to put you with the nutters or the addicts your being bipolar and all...
hey why don't you put up a mania post. I love hearing other people's manic stories...
and are you like me? you think back to going nuts and feel you have no closure? whenever i have nothing else to post i always seem to find myself going back in time to when i went nuts
o cripes i'm running out of time gotta go take care
H'eye Karl. It's ok, sometimes eye think eye reply about more than one post under a post.. Not sure if it's better to just go to the most recent one so it will be noticed, or go where one should.
Eye'm sure this has been remarked about by someone before, but eye think that people are fascinated by death, it's like a glimpse into what's coming for everyone. With some bad accidents eye've gone by, especially the ones where the whole area gets blocked off (think this is done in the case of a death), eye want to go question the officers like a reporter, and sometimes have. What eye think is funny is that people think that it's a condition of modern society, being entertained by violence in movies and such. Hangings, beheadings, an crucifictions used to be a community event for fuck's sake!
Thanks. Eye didn't post for a while, but would sometimes go read people's over the summer. Eye couldn't read yours very often because most of the time, eye use the internet on the phone, and eye can't get past your content warning. It'ss an oldder type of phone, so it has a hard time with some websites. This summer eye was preoccupied with making money when eye didn't have a job, and busy with work when eye did, and Angel is usually online when eye get home. Also, eye'm weird about posting on his computer for some reason. In addition, there were some nasty things going on this summer, a bunch of it relationship-wise, and the last thing eye wanted to do was post about it. Funny, a journal or blog is supposed to be where one talks about life, especially the difficulties, but eye did not want to say a word about all of it here. Eye hope you had a good time with your daughter, guess eye can go read about it, huh?
Gledwood, Yeah the hamsters are fun. That commercial shocked me when eye first saw it, it was like, rave, lightshows, tracers with his hand? "Roll" indeed!
Eye thought that eye wasn't on your sidebar because eye hadn't been posting, actually! Yeah, eye wouldn't know where to put me either, although while on drugs, eye'm definitely more druggie than crazy. But if eye end up having to contend with no drugs, eye'll definitely be more crazy than druggie! Heroin has flattened or disguised any mania quite well. Eye only do small things like eye have a tendency to pace the house. It's a reflex of sorts, not something eye set out to do. Also, sometimes have a hell of a time sleeping, or sleeping well, or getting to sleep. For a long time, it was a similar cycle every night, lay down to sleep and start itching, scratch one place and then had another itch somewhere else, on and on (this hours after having done drugs), then the ol brain started replaying situations from that day, movies, conversations, and having songs swirl around, really irritating. It had to run its course before eye could sleep. One night, eye ended up having to watch scenes from every movie eye'd seen since junior high. Eye used to live life in an almost constant state of what seems to resemble hypomania. At times it would go higher than that, but to me that was normal. Eye thought eye just went through periodic horrible depression, and had anxiety. Friends would talk about their anxiety, and eye'd say that eye had it too, but eye had "the good kind of anxiety" and didn't understand why others couldn't "use their anxiety" to their advantage, and thought that everyone else was just lazy. Eye suppose mania posts would be cool, or maybe going through withdrawal at Burning Man - where eye ended up getting a visit from that type of mental state, or maybe m'eye psychotic break? Oh the possibilities!
For me, there never is any closure for anything at all. Eye'll never say never about being some way eye've been before, it all goes around in circles, and sometimes pick up new things to send around the circles. These last four years have been the most normal eye've been since who knows when, and eye feel like if eye wasn't toned down by heroin, eye'd go insane, eye could not deal with it, especially with no outlets... Eye got on dope to deal with having "no life anymore" while in my constant hypomanic state and now stay on it to prevent having that kind of life - the always on the go and so tense and intense. Eye feel like eye couldn't handle it now. Although, it's kind of funny to think that now eye am living normally, because eye am on drugs. And eye'm always doing "something" like cutting, selling drugs, eating disorders, and so on. But eye only had a couple "living on drugs" episodes, usually it was something else and did drugs sometimes. Funny that now it's been four years of this, and funny that all the people who seemed like "hopeless cases" who tended to be on some drug or another for several years grew out of drugs, alcoholism - and the one who used more moderately than anyone is the one who's been hooked on heroin and never got off, never had any "real" clean time. (other people from where eye lived before who went through a heroin part of drug use tended to have at least some time within their time that they were clean a while - and all of them are no longer hooked at all. And none of them over three years total.)
Hi Eyelick, long time no here ! It's fascinating how morbid people can be isn't it ? On the harbour where I was working this summer there were two suicides, if you look at my post "Anyone for fishing" you'll see the cliffs surrounding the harbour, it took 4 body bags to collect the poor soul,the point is the crowd of peopl that gathered to watch was horrifying. 2 days later they found another body floating in the water a 100 yards from the 1st. both deaths were unrelated.
ReplyDeleteAnyway hope you're well ? I'm off to Bristol to visit my daughter this weekend plus go to an ex's 40th birthday bash.
Been missing your posts. Karl X
This comment wasa supposed to be for the the shit they show on tv part one !
DeleteI love the dancing hammies. There is a club in London that used to be called the Camden Palace, now I think it is called Cocos ..//... whatever, they had amazing laser lights just like that which looked fucking amazing on E.
DeleteSURELY that suicide bloke is on Something...(!!)
Hey FINALLY your blog is starring on my sidebar! You should have told me you weren't on there I'm so lame at remembering who belongs where... also I wasn't sure whether to put you with the nutters or the addicts your being bipolar and all...
Deletehey why don't you put up a mania post. I love hearing other people's manic stories...
and are you like me? you think back to going nuts and feel you have no closure? whenever i have nothing else to post i always seem to find myself going back in time to when i went nuts
o cripes i'm running out of time gotta go take care
;-)
H'eye Karl. It's ok, sometimes eye think eye reply about more than one post under a post.. Not sure if it's better to just go to the most recent one so it will be noticed, or go where one should.
DeleteEye'm sure this has been remarked about by someone before, but eye think that people are fascinated by death, it's like a glimpse into what's coming for everyone. With some bad accidents eye've gone by, especially the ones where the whole area gets blocked off (think this is done in the case of a death), eye want to go question the officers like a reporter, and sometimes have. What eye think is funny is that people think that it's a condition of modern society, being entertained by violence in movies and such. Hangings, beheadings, an crucifictions used to be a community event for fuck's sake!
Thanks. Eye didn't post for a while, but would sometimes go read people's over the summer. Eye couldn't read yours very often because most of the time, eye use the internet on the phone, and eye can't get past your content warning. It'ss an oldder type of phone, so it has a hard time with some websites. This summer eye was preoccupied with making money when eye didn't have a job, and busy with work when eye did, and Angel is usually online when eye get home. Also, eye'm weird about posting on his computer for some reason. In addition, there were some nasty things going on this summer, a bunch of it relationship-wise, and the last thing eye wanted to do was post about it. Funny, a journal or blog is supposed to be where one talks about life, especially the difficulties, but eye did not want to say a word about all of it here. Eye hope you had a good time with your daughter, guess eye can go read about it, huh?
Gledwood,
DeleteYeah the hamsters are fun. That commercial shocked me when eye first saw it, it was like, rave, lightshows, tracers with his hand? "Roll" indeed!
Eye thought that eye wasn't on your sidebar because eye hadn't been posting, actually! Yeah, eye wouldn't know where to put me either, although while on drugs, eye'm definitely more druggie than crazy. But if eye end up having to contend with no drugs, eye'll definitely be more crazy than druggie! Heroin has flattened or disguised any mania quite well. Eye only do small things like eye have a tendency to pace the house. It's a reflex of sorts, not something eye set out to do. Also, sometimes have a hell of a time sleeping, or sleeping well, or getting to sleep. For a long time, it was a similar cycle every night, lay down to sleep and start itching, scratch one place and then had another itch somewhere else, on and on (this hours after having done drugs), then the ol brain started replaying situations from that day, movies, conversations, and having songs swirl around, really irritating. It had to run its course before eye could sleep. One night, eye ended up having to watch scenes from every movie eye'd seen since junior high. Eye used to live life in an almost constant state of what seems to resemble hypomania. At times it would go higher than that, but to me that was normal. Eye thought eye just went through periodic horrible depression, and had anxiety. Friends would talk about their anxiety, and eye'd say that eye had it too, but eye had "the good kind of anxiety" and didn't understand why others couldn't "use their anxiety" to their advantage, and thought that everyone else was just lazy. Eye suppose mania posts would be cool, or maybe going through withdrawal at Burning Man - where eye ended up getting a visit from that type of mental state, or maybe m'eye psychotic break? Oh the possibilities!
For me, there never is any closure for anything at all. Eye'll never say never about being some way eye've been before, it all goes around in circles, and sometimes pick up new things to send around the circles. These last four years have been the most normal eye've been since who knows when, and eye feel like if eye wasn't toned down by heroin, eye'd go insane, eye could not deal with it, especially with no outlets... Eye got on dope to deal with having "no life anymore" while in my constant hypomanic state and now stay on it to prevent having that kind of life - the always on the go and so tense and intense. Eye feel like eye couldn't handle it now. Although, it's kind of funny to think that now eye am living normally, because eye am on drugs. And eye'm always doing "something" like cutting, selling drugs, eating disorders, and so on. But eye only had a couple "living on drugs" episodes, usually it was something else and did drugs sometimes. Funny that now it's been four years of this, and funny that all the people who seemed like "hopeless cases" who tended to be on some drug or another for several years grew out of drugs, alcoholism - and the one who used more moderately than anyone is the one who's been hooked on heroin and never got off, never had any "real" clean time. (other people from where eye lived before who went through a heroin part of drug use tended to have at least some time within their time that they were clean a while - and all of them are no longer hooked at all. And none of them over three years total.)