Quickest update possible -
The relationship - blissful til it wasn't. There are several complications involved, so many misunderstandings when people are on opposite drugs, especially when one of them has never had nor fathomed one truly physically dependent in such a way. And him being such a lonely creature... We bounced around weeklies, he'd befriend other tweekers, end up meeting the wrong ones, and eventually our place would get taken over. Get stalked, can't get away. My ability to ignore the door helped but his inability doomed it. And then, we'd have to leave. And usually were forced to, in not exactly legal circumstances. Move, repeat. Separated for a summer due to his lack of ID situation. Then moved in. And the shit half started up again. Various times of clamping down as this other place was more strict. But legal issues caught up to him. Right about the time we were on the rocks/precarious circumstances with our abode. That allowed me alone time, without the tweekers, got them out of the habit of coming around so much. Then he got out. And he quit tweeking! Mostly. The last times he did it, he was going really nuts. Shit other people saw in him, he was eventually realizing himself. So paranoid. Convinced people were after me, then convinced of me conspiring against him, lying and sneaking around. But he figured it out and stopped. And the people stopped coming around because they couldn't use him for meth anymore. He used coke as some stepping stone down, about a month or two. Then some argument made him realize how that wasn't good either, how he got so volatile. He said he was stopping and he did. Never bought any more. Unfortunately, in the past few weeks of this he'd been using this liquid oral morphine "backup" he bought for me, to come down. Kept going with it til it was out. In came heroin, due to developing a physical dependency. All those times wishing he'd "get it," when it came to me. But never, ever like this! Particularly because he has a horrible sense of self worth around being an addict. So miserable for him. The only benefit at all would be never going sick again really, not even an entire day anyhow. If unable to manage my own side of things, he'd cover for me. Perhaps the withdrawing into himself so it's mostly just us, rarely any scumbags around. But is that worth it? Never ever wanted that for him. His habit grew, and soon exceeded mine. Exacerbated by winter depression. His "taper" attempts never worked, just became months of logs of usually excessive use. Wrong drug perhaps, not "doing" enough for him? Til before going to detox. That did help. But got right back on after. Then had to go away to clean up, because he wasn't going to get clean around me, and certainly not together.
We're going to leave, move together. Because he's long sick of this city, all his realizations about shit people and the environment in general. Plus being from a very rural area, he's not cut out for the cut throat nature and lack of caring. It's gotten old for me as well, and have had dreams of leaving for years. Plus too many associations, ways of living that have been almost exclusively one way for so long. But there's loose ends and saving and setting up to do. So flirting with maintenance (Suboxone) for us even without physical dependency to consider because it's really fucking hard. So many associations and thought processes that are hard to break. He did it over a year, mine was near a decade, but if he sees me do it then he probably will as well. Just making it harder to get out of here.
There's a lot that's happened, so any returns here will likely focus on the years between, for a while.
